In the past couple days I've said goodbye to all my friends and then this afternoon I packed up and headed out myself--hauling my luggage over the red brick sidewalks, down the station escalator, and onto the metro.
I can't even begin to describe the tear in my heart, saying goodbye to this experience. Leaving my room for the last time, turning in my key, pushing open the front door, and walking away knowing that next time I come back, a new crew of kids will be living in the Barlow and they'll know nothing of us Summer 2014 Barlows.
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| The final few walking the circle. |
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| The last supper. Except it was breakfast. |
It's strange, staying here. I've never been left behind before--I've always been the one leaving. It really is heartbreaking to watch everyone go. There's a literal pain in my chest and I don't know what to do to fix it. I just can't believe it's over. I think I'm in shock.
I live in the suburbs now. The city sights and sounds and smells are gone and I realize now how much I have come to love the hustle and bustle of the city. In the beginning I was not so keen on living right downtown--I told people, "If I stay here, I think I'll move to the suburbs where it's a little quieter." But over the course of the summer, the city shaped me and I've come to love it. I'm sitting here in this empty apartment thinking, "Maybe I'm a city girl after all."
Agh, my heart can hardly handle this change. There is so much to miss. And it's not like I have a clear next step. I have absolutely NO NEXT STEP, which is terrifying because I'm a planner. I need a plan.
I have no plan.
But I'm holding onto that happiness I felt before when I decided to move here. I will stay and give it a shot. If it doesn't work, I don't know what will come next, but I guess I should probably start getting used to the ambiguity of life.
It just really sucks saying goodbye and starting over. It really really sucks.
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