Wasting Time

Since I don't live in Washington anymore, I should probably get over myself and start writing on my other blog (yes, I have another blog. Four other blogs, if we're getting technical). But I can't let it go! So let's just pretend that I still live there and I'm just on a little sabbatical to Utah for a minute.

Right now I should be finishing my lab assignment for physiology, which was due today, but I pulled my most flirtatious half-smile on my (really young) instructor today and tossed out an excuse about how I couldn't get Excel to work, and he said I could turn it in late. How late, I didn't ask. But I should probably get it done tonight.

Right now I should definitely be studying for my kinesiology test on Thursday. I have to memorize chapters one and two AND every flippin muscle in the body. Right now I've got gluteus maximus, IT band, and rhomboid major down pat. Only like, 103 others to go.

Pahaa-- what have I gotten myself into? I do not know. I have never felt so unmotivated to do school in my life. I like school, remember? But I'm just too absorbed in thinking about what I'm doing with my life to actually do anything with my life.

The struggle is so so real.

Anyway, please feel free to pray for me and then enjoy this picture of me and Becky G. at Harper's Ferry a few months ago. Would've been the perfect picture, if Becky had just put her arm around my waist instead of my shoulder, right?? Everybody knows that, Becky!!

Also, fun fact I just realized. At this very moment I'm wearing the exact same outfit as I'm wearing in this picture-- red shirt, jeans, hair in a bun. Crayzy.

Also, again, real quick-- I've noted like, 6 grammar/usage errors in this blog post and I'm not even going to fix them. Partially because I'm too lazy and partially because maybe I forgot how to fix them.

Proof I'm getting dumber by the minute! Give me back my brain cells!

On Stress

I've been feeling a lot of stress lately--more so than any other time in my life, I think. So much stress that I have scary and stressful dreams at night, my muscles are bunching to the point of chronic pain, and I frequently shed tears of exasperation. So much stress that I literally just had to pause this blog post to go puke in the toilet. I'm not even kidding. TMI? This is my blog!

Sometimes I get caught up in these negative thought processes, like "If I don't choose the right physiology professor, I won't pass this physiology class, if I don't pass the class, my pre-req GPA will be too low to get into OT school, and if I don't get into OT school, my life is ruined."

I think that's called a logical fallacy of the slippery slope variety. But I can't help it. My brain just does that to me.

But decisions. How does anybody ever go about making decisions? Everything affects everything, so one little slip-up could cost you your entire future!!

Everyone always says (wow, did you like that double hyperbole?), "Jenna, you expect way too much of yourself."

It kind of bothers me when people say that, because what am I supposed to do? Lower my expectations for myself? When did that ever do anyone any good? My expectations are high, but they're achievable, and it's high expectations that have gotten me this far in life.

It's more faith I need, not lower expectations. And with that faith I must try to convince myself that I can get an A in physiology even though I haven't taken the pre-reqs and my teacher flat out told me I probably wouldn't pass. That I can get all my volunteer hours in, ace the GRE, and write a killer personal essay without holing myself up in my room for the next four months. That I have a great purpose to fulfill, and even if I fail physiology, with God on my side I CANNOT FAIL at life. That He will most certainly provide a way.

Isn't that powerful--the thought that God is on your side? It's hard to remember sometimes, but God is in control. God knows WAY more about physiology than my physiology professor. In fact, God knows all there is to know about physiology. And He wants me to succeed. So I will. And I will put my trust in Him and not in the fleshy arm of Dr. T.

I can do hard things. This is my dream and I'm going for it. Because, in the words of the iCarly theme song, "There's no chance unless you take one."